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We all think about what we should do and will do—tomorrow. Sure, there are times when we actually take the first steps, maybe even get a good head of steam going and then something happens to interfere. You know what I mean. You go to the gym every other day for two weeks. Then you catch a cold, or one of the kids gets sick, or you have a big project at work, or there’s a snowstorm that closes the roads. You’ve barely begun to establish a new routine when something interferes and you’re back to square one.
When it comes to our relationship, most of us think about what we need to do to make it great. We promise to do it—tomorrow. We’ll schedule regular date nights. We’ll have more sex. We’ll talk more, watch TV less. We’ll be more attentive, more romantic, etc., etc., etc. If, as we’re so prone to do, we leave those things until tomorrow, what begin as little issues—easy to deal with if only we’d do those things we promised to do—morph from mole hills to mountains. Now, instead of thinking about what we should to make a good relationship great, we’re faced with monumental problems.
Just as thinking about exercising, without taking action, leads to flabbier muscles, a bigger butt, clogged arteries, and a myriad of other health issues that get worse over time, thinking about taking care of your relationship, without taking action, leads to a stockpile of resentment, grudges, disappointment, and anger that make fixing the relationship more difficult. Even when we promise ourselves—and try really hard to follow through—that we’ll be more tolerant, more generous, more understanding, and more loving, there’s almost always something that—like the illness or snowstorm that keeps you from the gym—interferes. Maybe it’s an argument, maybe it’s a new sources of stress. Whatever it is, we’re back to square one.
It’s a good thing to think about what you should do. But thought, without action, doesn’t accomplish a darned thing. Consider this: if your car is stalled on the railroad tracks, you have three options: (1) get out of the car, (2) stay in the car, or (3) think about it. The last two have the same result.
Don’t put off until tomorrow what you know you need to do today to have the great relationship you want. If you do, you may end up with no relationship at all.
Shela Dean is a Relationship Coach, Speaker and Amazon Bestselling Author. Visit her at and sign up for her popular blog to download a complimentary copy of her book.