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When you hear the word “foreplay” do you automatically think of sex? Most people do. Fact is, foreplay comes in many different sizes, shapes, colors, and flavors. You see, foreplay isn’t just about sex. It’s also those things you do that make your sweetheart over-the-moon happy that he or she hooked up with you. It’s those things that make your sweetie feel high-on-a-pedestal adored, can’t-live-without-you cherished, and worship-the-ground-you-walk-on loved. Let me give you some examples of recent acts of foreplay here in the Dean household:
- Dale looked high and low to find and surprise me with coconut gelato because he knows the only ice cream I can’t say no to is coconut gelato. I love it and he wanted to do something I-love-you special for me so he went on the hunt.
- I warmed up the left over Chinese food when Dale came home exhausted from being on his feet all day. That doesn’t sound like much unless you know that I need a map to find the kitchen because I never go there. Dale does all the cooking. We had lived in our home for almost a year before I ever used the oven and when I did, I needed instructions. Cross my heart, that’s the sorry truth.
- I was chained to my desk, hammering out blog posts, when Dale walked into my office with a glass of wine, freshly made guacamole, and chips. He set the libations and food on my desk, and quietly exited so as not to break my train of thought.
- Dale had an important meeting about the garden he’s building for our local YMCA. I called him shortly before the meeting to wish him luck.
- As we were drifting off to sleep, we held hands.
Emotional foreplay isn’t about grand gestures. Oh, sure, I’d do (virtual) cartwheels if a new Porsche with a big red ribbon showed up in the driveway and Dale would kick his heels (he can really do that!) if I handed him tickets for a hike up Mt. Kilimanjaro, but you can only pull those kinds of surprises off once in a blue moon. It’s everyday that matters. It’s the little things, the thoughtful gestures that say, “I love you,” that really matter. Small gestures take so little effort yet have a HUGE positive impact on your relationship.
Think about it. What does it take to give your sweetheart a compliment, bring him or her a morning cup of Joe, top off a wine glass, pick up coconut gelato, make a phone call? It takes almost no effort. Pay attention to what your sweetheart likes, what’s important to him or her, and how he or she is feeling at that moment. Is he tired? Is she frazzled? Does he need encouragement? Does she need a little support? Do what you can to say, “I notice and I care.”
If you want a Wow! relationship, then remember that just as great foreplay is essential to a Wow! sex, great emotional foreplay is essential to a Wow! relationship. Foreplay. It’s something you do every single day. Start now.
Shela Dean is a , Speaker and Bestselling Author of , the author of and the popular blog , and the creator of, a program designed to help all couples find and keep their Relationship Mofjo.